WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
Doing the Right Thing
Understanding Ethics
and the Factors That Influence Decisions
A Handbook on Moral Decision Making
Contact the author at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
A non-denominational exploration of ethics (how to behave), grounded in a higher perspective, written for the discerning thinker. The following is intended for persons not affiliated with any church, synagogue or mosque.
In the movie Big Tom Hanks portrays a boy of thirteen or so who wakes up one day in an adult body. He finds he is equal to some of the problems of adult life, but not all. He, like you and many kids today face very challenging problems. To make the best choices, you need to be Big on the inside, and Do The Right Thing.
INTRODUCTION
In a nutshell, what is this all about? This is a partial answer to some important questions you might be asking about relationships.
Why don’t we all agree?
How do I know what I know?
Who says what is “wrong”?
How do I know what is “right?”
Is it really my fault?
Why do I feel guilty? Or not feel guilty?
How Can I fix mistakes?
Where can I stand?
What does everyone want anyway?
What is normal for me now?
How can good sex be immoral?
How can I solve moral problems?
Why do people do bad things?
What if everyone is doing it?
What if I trust others to decide what is right?
What if I trust experts to decide what is right?
What is always wrong?
What do religions teach?
How will I know what to do?
Who’s in charge of my life anyway?
You are responsible for everything you say, for everything you do, and even for everything you think. You create the world, for yourself, and for others too. However, you are not responsible for the actions, thoughts or words of others. Just managing yourself is an awesome responsibility. With the mind, will, and emotions you have now, you can manage your life very successfully. Passing blame on to others just postpones making the changes in your life that would really make your life work better. For children blaming others often seems valid. The sign of an adult is a strong sense of personal responsibility. I hope you can avoid some of the pitfalls by learning about the influences you will encounter in your life. Make your life into what you want it to be. ACT, don’t just react.
Why should you strive to make your life choices based on some set of principles? Consider the outcome of unprincipled living! Actions that come from decisions based only on emotions, or in wilfullness, or in physical desires provide short term satisfaction at best. In the long run creativity, productivity, personal well–being, and social well-being suffer.
My purpose is to provide an introductory text on ethics. I believe that you, the readers, are hungry for knowledge of “the rules” for better living, clearly stated, uncluttered with difficult language and thinking. I mean to explain moral decision making in easy to understand language which can then be applied to moral problems. I wish someone had done this for me when I was about thirteen years old!
For each topic, there will be a question and an introductory text, followed by “Activities” that may be used as questions for conversations, writing topics, or further research, suited to the individual or to a class situation. You might enjoy reading and discussing these topics with a parent. You already possess a lived experience from which to draw examples and problems, and some are included here.
Other related topics include applied ethics in the areas of sex, business, animal rights, medicine, science, ecology, law, warfare, and sports. You will need to look further than here to explore these topics. You will need to study in more detail ethics from the viewpoint of various religions. This is only a starting point.
HOW TO READ THIS
Reading should be experienced as a conversation with the author. If reading is a sort of conversation, then you have something to say too. Your experience of life is valid. The parts that interest you or aggravate you are probably your growing edges. If you are bored with some parts, you are probably not ready to consider those ideas, or you may be beyond them. Move on to other topics.
You can just read this, start to finish. But knowledge is like a web, all interconnected. Throughout you will find places marked with a small spider, like this: @. This direction is to assist you to read in an order which makes sense to you. Scroll down to the topics that interest you.
Where should you start? You already know a lot about doing the right thing at the right time, in the right way. But WHY are you a good person? How you answer this question will give you a starting point.
@ If you are good mostly you are afraid you’ll be punished, start with “The Meanings of Good and Bad: How do I know what is right?” .
@If mostly you think there’s a better payoff to being good, start with “Conscience and Guilt: Why do I feel guilty?” .
@If mostly you do good things so others will like you, start with “Messages from Everyone: What if everyone is doing it?” .
@If mostly you do the right thing because it makes you feel good about yourself, start with “Life’s Stages: What is normal for me now?”
@If you think everyone ought to just follow the laws and we would all get along just fine, skip over first to “Promise Yourself: Who’s in charge of my life?”.
@If you wonder what principles of right and wrong are common to all human beings, turn to “Universal Principles: What do religions teach?” .
I would like to hear from you about your ideas. Please write to me at sophiaministries@yahoo.com
WHY DON’T WE ALL AGREE?
SIX LEVELS OF MORAL THINKING
Why doesn’t everyone see situations the same way? Below are the
reasons why you are “good” and the social controls or rewards you receive for
being “good”. Lawrence Kohlberg first explained these motives for being good. He
thought that they were developmental, meaning that a person progressed to higher level
reasons as he/she matured.
1. Fear of Punishment
2. Concrete Rewards, such as a paycheck, awards, or honors.
3. Social approval from important “others”
4. Internal approval or self-esteem (individual conscience).
5. Meeting the standards of local accepted public morality for the common good (social conscience).
6. Supporting the universal principles of right and wrong for their own sake (universal conscience).
Level 1, Fear of Punishment. Fear of punishment motivates many people to comply with the rules or laws. You do not wish to get a ticket, go to jail, be excluded, get bad grades, be grounded, and so on. A punishment is called a “negative social control” and generally people do not like them. So you do what you have to do to meet the expectations of the person in charge. Some people spend so much time figuring out how to avoid punishment that they could have just done the job, whatever it was. For example, it might take less effort to study for a test than to arrange a method of cheating. To work well, punishments must be swift and consistent. In the real world you might “get away” with lots of rule breaking, and so you may go a long while without getting caught. Yet in the end, you suffer by avoiding doing the right thing on your own, and develop habits, which will work against you in the future. You miss out on the rewards of doing the right thing (see below).
“I used to talk some teacher into giving me an excuse from P.E. all the time, so I could do other, more important things. Looking back now, I think it would have been better for both my health and my social life if I had learned how to play some sport.” MS
Level 2, Concrete Rewards. Rewards are usually attached to doing the right thing. They are called “positive social controls.” These rewards may be payment in money for good grades or work done. With money, you can buy other rewards, such as computer or stereo equipment, bicycles, cars, and so on. Good grades will get your insurance payments down, help you enter college, or help you get a better job.
Level 3, Social rewards. These rewards may be more emotional, such as kind words from people you respect or admire, notice from other group members, or honors and recognition. These rewards make you feel good about doing what was wanted or expected. Scout badges and certificates of merit are other examples of social rewards. You may be most pleased with compliments from your friends.
Level 4, Internal Approval and Enhanced Self-Image. One of the best rewards you can give yourself is a sense of accomplishment when you finish some task or follow through on a decision you made. This is the level of individual conscience. When you do the right thing, even if no one else knows about it, you feel better inside. Your own sense of integrity and self-esteem grows stronger. You think of yourself as a good person, even if others don’t say so. Doing good makes you feel good. If you involve yourself in some community service project, you will experience this sense of goodness about yourself.
Level 5, Conformity with Accepted Standards of Public Legal Morality. Our society has high standards of morality and character. These are embodied in the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, city laws and statutes, and other important documents. When you live by these standards and uphold them for others, you are conforming to our group morality. This is what makes us proud to be Americans. When public figures fail to uphold these standards, we share in their shame. So it is important that you participate as good citizens, by keeping informed and voting, if not volunteering for local boards and committees, or even running for office when you are able to do so. Supporting public morality in specific ways is a high level of moral behavior. It shows “love” for everyone by supporting laws and policies that are just for everyone.
To recap thus far, a very small child might only understand a slap on the hand (Level 1, fear of punishment) warning him or her not to misbehave. By the age of two, a small child will behave properly at the table to get dessert (Level 2, a concrete reward). Not long after this a child will be willing to use the potty to please mommy (Level 3, a social reward). These three levels continue to work. By about age 7 a child knows right from wrong well enough to decide to be nice to others, as part of his/her own character (Level 4), regardless of how nice the other child might be. By the age of 10, most young people recognize the value of following rules (Level 5) for the sake of good order in society. “Everyone should follow the rules” gives the individual a sense of security.
There are many specific rules, which we continue to learn well into adulthood. “Good etiquette” is an example of customs that are useful to know and follow, but not subject to legal punishment if broken. Criminal and civil law are serious codes with legal penalties and punishments (back to Level 1 again) for those who won’t cooperate voluntarily. You may actually operate at any level, once beyond childhood, depending on your reasons for your actions.
Level 6, Fulfilling a Universal Law. If you do the right thing, even if there is no benefit to you except just knowing you have done the best thing for everyone, you are operating at Level 6. For example, on several occasions when huge sums of money have fallen out of armored trucks, the persons who found the money turned it in, even though they could have kept it and never been caught. Those who returned the money because they were afraid they would be caught were thinking on Level 1. When some people find wallets and go to great trouble to return the wallet to the owner, just because it is the right thing to do, they are operating on Level 6. If they secretly want a reward, that is level 2 thinking.
The highest form of moral behavior actually may bring you into conflict with the general public. Persons like Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. saw that the laws of the land were in some way immoral, denying to some persons freedoms that they should have. Gandhi and King broke local laws which kept the races separated, and they gave us examples of struggling for a higher morality for all of society. This does not mean that they were perfect people in all ways, but they did see the need for society to improve, for the sake of everyone. Each was willing to put great effort into this, but both remained non-violent. They went beyond the demands of the law in working for justice.
You cannot tell from watching a person exactly what their underlying motives are. You cannot tell what the level of moral thinking is, unless you ask that person to explain why they behave as they do. For example, you may be sitting at your desk, doing work just as the teacher has directed, only the teacher has left the room. You continue to work. Are you working now because: 1) of fear of punishment if the teacher returns and finds you off task? 2) of a wish for a reward, like a good grade or a treat? 3) of a hope the teacher will compliment you? 4) of a nee to yourself as a good student? 5) of a belief that everyone should follow the rules posted on the board? or 6) of a conviction that if everyone would cooperate and work hard, we would all benefit? Most people fall into level 2, 3, or 4 most of the time. Sometimes you are conscious of following laws. Sometimes you do the right thing solely because it is the right thing to do (Level 6), and there is no punishment and no reward, no law, and no one to praise you. You probably do what you do for more than one reason at any one time!
Conflicts may arise between these levels. For example, certain behaviors are expected of gang members (Level 3), which bring a person in conflict with his parents (Level 3 also), or with the law (Level 5). If the emotional reward of being with the gang is greater than any other reward for doing right, then the person will do what the gang wants so he can belong. But as he develops Level 4 thinking (conscience), he may separate himself from the gang activities and friends.
Activity: Make a list of what you did today. Why did you do each activity? (You can give more than one reason for each activity or decision you made.) Which level were you on the most?
What if the real cowards are the ones who let the bullies on the playground make the rules? Dirty Harry movies are popular because this tough character fights for some kind of personal justice, but in a violent way which is itself immoral.
@ Why do people hurt themselves or others?
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
SIX WAYS OF KNOWING
“How do you know that?”
You could just take the word of another person you respect. But more often teens want to know the source of “truth” or thought. As humans, there are at least six ways in which you come to know what you “know” (Hunter Lewis). But there is no one way to prove, absolutely for certain, anything. Even a scientist can only be “reasonably certain” about something.
What you take for granted is then an “assumption.” You are capable of using several ways of knowing to cross check, to be as sure as is humanly possible. The ways of knowing which you rely upon most heavily are important parts of your personality. You may be predominantly a “thinker,” a “feeler,” an “intuitive,” or a “sensate,” but you probably use all of these ways of knowing at different times. A “thinker” gathers information and arrives at conclusions through some logical connection and may ignore how he “feels” about it. A “feeler” is more interested in how he and others react emotionally to situations when making decisions, and then ignore “the facts.” An “intuitive” person draws ideas from somewhere inside, often coming to a conclusion without checking out all the facts. A “sensate” relies heavily on what he can experience directly through his physical senses of hearing, smelling, tasting, seeing, or touching, and he may have difficulty trusting the judgment of others if he was not present at the fact-gathering stage of decision making. Each way of knowing is valid, but relying on only one method of knowing may not give you the complete picture. Let me explain further.
1. You can take someone else’s word for it, someone you trust. You may already trust certain adults such as your parents, coaches or ministers and priests, or the doctor, or a judge. These adults have come to their knowledge through study and/or experiences in their lives, or these adults may rely on thinkers and writings from the past which have worked well for them. You need adults you can trust to help you think through the difficult areas in your life, especially when it comes to decisions about careers or marriage, for example. Sometimes you need expert advice, for instance, when deciding about some medical technique, or how to proceed with a legal affair. You probably accept the explanations of others for a number of phenomena: how cars work, how electricity energizes our homes, and how the economy works. The cumulative wisdom of the past is in the technology, stories, literature and laws of each culture, a form of general expertise or shared wisdom.
2. The Thinker: You can know something by thinking it through carefully, and arriving at the answer logically. For example, “If all insects have legs, and a fly is an insect, then it must have legs.” This is called syllogistic thinking. But usually you must begin with an “assumption,” just a given that something is true, without proving it first. Each culture has its own assumptions, and may arrive at different conclusions about life. Many Asians cultures have the assumption that life events are heavily affected by “luck.” Many people use charms against “bad luck” or for “good luck.”
3. The Sensate: You can know something by experiencing it yourself through your senses (sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing). For example, you know what “hot” is because at some time you have touched something hot. Much of what we experience cannot be described adequately in words, and we “just know it.” Since not everyone has exactly the same experiences, we don’t all “know” exactly the same things about the world we live in. Thus your idea of a “mother” might be quite different from my idea of “mother,” based on different experiences with mothers.
4. The Feeler: You can know through your emotions. Emotions are a sense, too, a mechanism for the human person to know about situations or people, that includes past information and predictions about the future effects, all rolled together. Thinking with the emotions is valid, but difficult to give as the only “proof” when a choice must be defended. “I feel that this is right” may not be given as much credibility as other ways of thinking. You should pay attention to your emotional reactions to people or situations. Often such a gut reaction is powerful and very true information.
5. The Intuitive: You can know through intuition. Often you might struggle with a great deal of information, trying to understand and not succeeding, and then you take a break and suddenly you “see it” in a surprising new way. This is intuitive insight. Somehow your brain keeps working on a problem when you think you have given it up for the time being. Powerful new ideas have been born out of intuitive insight.
6. You can know through a “scientific approach,” which is really a combination of some of the above approaches. You probably do this quite often. You gather the facts (sensory experience), immerse yourself in them until insight comes (intuition), think it through carefully (logical approach), devise some experiments or ways to check or to prove your idea (sensory experience again) in a way that others could repeat and get the same results. Since many experiences you have cannot be repeated, the pure scientific method cannot be used in many cases.
Summary: Six ways of knowing
1. Trust in the writings, expertise or experience of others
2. Logical thinking based on some data.
3. Experience through our five senses.
4. Experience through our emotions.
5. Intuition.
6. Combination of the above.
Activity: Which method of knowing do you generally favor for yourself? (Trust an expert, follow your feelings, wait for intuition, search for the logic, expand your personal experience, apply the scientific method.) Write down an example of a decision you made for each approach.
@If you are wondering “Why doesn’t everyone see things the way I do?”, turn to “Six Levels of Moral Thinking.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHO SAYS WHAT IS WRONG?
THE MEANINGS OF “BAD” AND “WRONG”
What does “bad” and “wrong” behavior mean? Is it moral, legal, customary, or just a matter of good manners?
Before continuing, you need to understand clearly the confusion there is among the terms “good” and “bad” and “wrong.” When you say others behaved “wrongly,” you may mean that they used bad manners. Belching at the table is bad manners now in America, but in other countries belching is a signal to the cook that one has enjoyed the meal! Manners are just customs of a specific group, and they can change. Some customs have been around for a very long time, and the reasons for their invention have been long forgotten. Thus customarily you shake hands with the right hand when you meet someone new, or even an old friend. In former times such a handshake demonstrated that the person did not have a weapon in his hand. Not to follow local customs and good manners will cause others to think someone a fool, a socially inept person, or even intentionally troublesome. For example, the length of a boy’s hair has been interpreted to mean different attitudes, in different times. For many years long hair on men was ordinary, but the Roundheads in England cut their hair as a statement of political opposition. Currently short hair is ordinary, and long hair means “artsy” or counter-culture. Following local customs or showing good manners is not usually morally right or wrong.
What is morally acceptable and what is legally done can be two very different matters. For example, in the past it has been considered both immoral and illegal for a man and woman to live together without being married. In American culture, “living together” is now legal, but such arrangements were often looked upon as immoral by many persons. When Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. marched against segregation in the South, he was acting illegally, because there were laws against what he was doing. Many people think he was acting morally in defending basic human rights. Similar situations in other cultures will be viewed differently. When someone says something is “bad” or “wrong,” we must ask if it is a matter of morality, of legality, of customs, or of manners.
Here we are trying to understand what is morally right or wrong. “Intrinsically wrong” means that an action is wrong in itself, regardless of a person’s reasons for acting that way. Can you think of any actions which are always wrong, no exceptions? In other words, what standards of right and wrong apply to all people, everywhere?
In the movie Gandhi, the characters live in a society where it is illegal for people of color to go many places, use certain toilets, and so on. This situation had been the custom for many years, and it was considered bad manners to challenge these customs by socializing with people of a different color. Gandhi saw this as an intrinsically immoral situation, which needed to be changed. But he also saw that this immoral situation would not justify violence on his part as a solution, since violence is equally intrinsically immoral. Therefore he protested by going on a hunger strike.
Activity: Classify the following as an issue that is moral, legal, customary, or manners. Why did you classify it this way?
Eating with your mouth open in the cafeteria.
Beating up a smaller kid and taking his lunch money.
Running away from home.
Calling in a false bomb threat to the school office.
Wearing a tuxedo to class with your head shaved.
Touching a girl’s chest when you know she doesn’t want you to do that.
Cheating on an exam by helping your best friend out.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT ‘RIGHT?
KNOWING RIGHT FROM WRONG: “BAD” AND “WRONG” RELATIVE TO MENTAL AGE AND ABILITY
How do we know something is a morally “bad” or “wrong” action?
“Good” and “bad” implies the meeting some standard of acceptable behavior, according to a person’s mental capacity. We expect better behavior (better choices of action) from you as you mature, as you increase in experience, knowledge and wisdom. I have come to think that “bad is inappropriate self-centeredness” said in different ways. For example, you must take care to get what you need for food, shelter, clothing, and medical attention, through work or other means. But how you go about fulfilling your needs creates a complex “moral” situation. A two-year old may demand cookies when he is hungry and throw a tantrum to get them. This behavior doesn’t surprise the adults who care for him, since it is normal for small children to be oblivious to the needs of others, to the time of day, or to the availability of what they want. But if a 12 year-old behaved in this self-centered way, those around would be surprised, to say the least. If an adult threw a tantrum for cookies, other adults would think him or her crazy. If a small child takes a cookie after mother has said “NO” adults consider that to be wrong but might excuse the child because of his young age. If adults steal from others, we think a moral wrong has been committed, but we are still inclined to listen to the reasons that are given for breaking the rules against stealing. Adults are expected to assume the proper perspective for their actions, to know in the balance what is “right” and what is “wrong” or “bad,” and then adults are expected to choose “right.”
So, your age and mental maturity affect your ability to choose “right” actions, and to know if you are doing “wrong.” Generally the age of seven is considered the age of reason, or the age when a person can know right from wrong in the moral sense. By age seven the child usually knows that “right” and “wrong” are not just what mom and dad say. Even mom and dad are under some outside lawgivers. A seven-year-old generally knows that not all choices should be totally self-centered, that sometimes you ought to choose what is best for the group, that is, for the family or for the friendship or for the classroom.
“I would often in Middle School try to fit in and give in to peer pressure. I wanted to be liked, even if it meant going against my will. If I made a friend, it made up for the temporary guilt.” High school student.
Activity: What is the earliest memory you have of doing something “wrong” and knowing it was “wrong”? How old were you then? Why was it “wrong?” Was what you did immoral, illegal, bad manners, or contrary to custom? How did you know it was “wrong”? What influenced you to go against your conscience: your mind, your will, or your emotions?
@Is your genetic makeup or your environment really more to blame for what you do? Turn to “Heredity, Environment, and Free Will”.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
IS IT REALLY MY FAULT?
HEREDITY, ENVIRONMENT AND FREE WILL
Is what I do really my fault, always?
Social scientists argue about whether heredity or environment has the greatest impact on who you become. “Heredity” is contained in the genetic makeup, a program in the cells present from first moment of your being that guides your development throughout your life. The “environment” consists of the conditions that you encounter throughout your life, including other people, food and water, chemicals, or historical events. Anything physical, mental or emotional, which you may encounter, is part of the environmental influence. But there is a third factor in your development.
The third influence is known as “free will.” This is an interior force within you, which allows you to respond to the circumstances of heredity and environment in a variety of ways. You do choose how to respond to the conditions of your life. For example, twins both born with the same handicap, might respond differently to that condition. One might make the most of his or her life, travel, learn, meet people, while the other one might respond to the same condition by withdrawing into himself or herself. Heredity and environment may set some of your limitations, but free will allows you to choose, to some extent. Your internal personal freedom to choose may be limited by how intelligent you are, or by traumatic events in your past.
You further limit your choices by choosing to live according to certain principles. This is a self-imposed limitation, which makes your focused living possible. For example, if you decide to abide by a rule not to steal, then you have already made that decision when you are faced with opportunities to take something, or opportunities to cheat, which is another form of stealing. Another example: if you have decided that you will go to college, you are then choosing to study now so that you can enter college later; perhaps you are saving up your money and, for example, therefore not going to the movies so often. So you might be limiting your social life, but improving your focus for the future you desire.
No one would foolishly order everything on the menu in a restaurant. We have to choose, and if we are wise, we limit ourselves, not only about food, but about everything!
Activity: You are born into a particular sex, race, geographical area, and economic group. What other limitations do you have? What rules have you set for yourself that limit you? Are they imposed on you, or self-chosen?
Cartoon here: Man sitting in a jail cell. Caption: Does he have free will now?
@ Why doesn’t everyone see situations in the same way? There are six levels of moral thinking.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY? WHY DON’T I FEEL GUILTY?
CONSCIENCE AND GUILT
“I still remember when I stole a pink eraser from another kid in the fourth grade. I hate to feel that way, so I don’t take anything that isn’t mine!” MR
Why do I feel like I did something wrong?
Conscience is a judgment by one’s mind, will, and emotions on the goodness or badness of an action or attitude. It is up to you to develop your conscience by learning the principles of right and wrong. A judgment on an action as “right” or “wrong” is easy to make when all three (mind, will, and emotions) are in agreement. For example, you believe stealing is wrong (mind), the inclination to take something is easily overcome (will), and you do not desire other person’s things very strongly (emotions).
When your mind, will, and emotions don’t agree, you may experience indecision, and be tempted to let others decide for you. For instance, even though you believe stealing is wrong, while hanging out with a group of friends who are shoplifting on dares, if you very much want to “belong” (emotions), you might steal anyway, and then feel guilty about it (the conscience judges it to be wrong). “Feeling guilty” is the sign of an active conscience. It is an appropriate feeling related to the values in your heart when you have violated them. Sometimes people do feel unnecessarily guilty about actions or attitudes that are not truly moral situations, but only matters of manner or customs. If you may have grown up in a home where others are emotionally abusive, you may not “feel guilty” at the right times. Thus it becomes even more important for you to learn the principles of healthy moral behavior. You may need to seek the advice of other qualified counselors or adults you trust in those times when you are not sure about the source of your guilty feelings.
“When I was 13, I realized how much pain one can inflict on someone. I stopped that right away. But I know if you don’t feel bad, it is still wrong. You should treat others as you wish to be treated.” High school student.
On the other hand, can you BE guilty without feeling guilty? Yes, you can be wrong and rationalize yourself into a “NO GUILT” judgment. Feeling guilty is not the only sign of guilt. For example, some Nazi soldiers, and some American soldiers, in different wars, were involved in the killing of innocent civilians. In both cases the soldiers said they were “just following orders.” Obedience is a virtue, a good thing in most cases, but it is not the highest virtue. People are not free to act on the immoral orders of others. Both the German and the American soldiers were held responsible for their actions, as are gang members who commit crimes. You are not free to act on the immoral orders of others, without being guilty of immoral acts.
A person can be very handsome, talented, beautiful, highly intelligent, or rich, and STILL be immoral. A person’s morality is not obvious because everyone is complex inside. How can you find out the truth about someone’s morality? Watch how they treat others, especially how they treat their own family members! Within your own family life you are probably most like your true inner self.
In the movie War Games, the U.S. Government and the Russian government are fully capable and ready to set off their missiles, which nearly happens accidentally when a teenage hacker intrudes on the electronic system. The computer “learns” that there are no “winners” in such a war, as it projects all possible outcomes. On a larger scale, governments can also be immoral, when they systematically violate human rights to life, freedom, justice, or peace, and fail to provide for basic human needs.
Is it morally right for governments to maintain nuclear arsenals? Give your reasons for your answer.
“Sin” is a term used in religion to describe wrong or bad or immoral actions. Sin is intentionally and knowingly choosing to act in a way that directly or indirectly does harm, even though it may benefit the person acting. Sin is not an accident or a mistake or bad manners. “Sin” is the intentional violation of a moral law. Most religions teach that the sinner will be punished, in this life or in the next, as a consequence for breaking moral laws. Whether or not you believe this, there are also quite natural consequences for making poor choices, either short term or long term. For example, whether or not smoking dope is illegal or immoral, there are negative physical consequences to the human body, including addiction or chromosome damage that could affect your future children. As another example, you may drive recklessly and never get a ticket because no policeman sees you. But you could be involved in an accident that will kill you or those with you, which is a terrible natural consequence of unsafe driving habits.
Activity: Find out from the Internet, the District Attorney’s Office, or your local library, which crimes are tried as “adult” and what penalties are attached in your state. For example, is possession of marijuana immoral or illegal (or both) in your state? Are there exceptions to the law against marijuana use? Do you agree or not? Or research another law for its legal and moral basis.
Activity: Do you remember feeling bad about something you did? How old were you when that first happened? Does the memory of that bad feeling keep you from doing similar things now? If you don’t feel bad when you do something you know is hurtful to someone, does that mean it isn’t wrong to do it? (Remember from above the other ways of knowing!)
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
HOW CAN I FIX MY MISTAKES?
HOW TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY
A creative Middle School teacher I know instructs her students in just how to get back on her good side when they have goofed up. She tells them: “Clap your hand to your forehead, like this, and say, ‘Ms. G.! I don’t know what I was thinking when I did that! I am so sorry! I won’t do that again.’ ” Then she lets off them with a warning. Ms. G. also has a “Book of Excuses.” Students can get off the hook if they have a new excuse for the book, but if it’s an old used up one, no deal!
“EXCUSED” AND “NOT EXCUSED” ACTIONS
What if I didn’t mean it? What if I meant it then, but I am sorry now? Mistakes, Immaturity, Ignorance, Insanity VS. Intentional and Informed Actions.
No matter how good you try to be, you will fail at times to measure up to your own standards. You will fail to do what you know is right and good at the time. Usually your conscience will let you know, but others may also tell you that you have harmed someone, hurting them physically or emotionally. Unkind statements about others being or mental abilities, gender, or race, are disrespectful, even if true. Do not think that saying “I was just joking” will excuse you from the responsibility of having hurt someone. Laughing at another’s pain or embarrassment shows a lack of compassion, an inability to understand another person’s situation. Jokes at the expense of another’s well-being makes them into objects for your own pleasure, and dehumanizes them. Humor, what you laugh at, tells the truth about the inner person you are. “I was only joking” is not an apology and it does not cover up the truth of racism, sexism, or other prejudices.
“This happens a lot at my school (saying “It was a joke!”). They think it’s a way out.” High school student.
Restoring harmony with others, repairing relationships and righting injustices is important, and can be achieved when you know you have wronged someone. You first must have the intention of restoring harmony to a damaged relationship. Sometimes the most difficult step is knowing exactly what you did wrong. This is best understood by putting yourself emotionally “in the shoes” of the offended person. Imagine the scene all over, only with the actors’ positions exchanged. Imagine how you would feel. When you are clear on what the offense was and on some way to make repayment, only then should you speak words of regret. You may be tempted to write a note of apology as an easy way out. Do NOT write to the person, as it is difficult to be clear, you cannot adjust to the emotions of the moment, and neither of you can respond immediately so as to finish the situation.
You can apologize most effectively in person, and as a second choice, over the phone. You must say and mean it: “I was wrong. I am sorry for (a specific attitude or action). Will you forgive me?” The person you hurt may simply accept the apology, but if the apology is not accepted, then the next step is to ask: “What can I do to make this up to you?” And then you must listen carefully and be prepared to prove a change of heart over a longer period of time. Sometimes a relationship simply cannot be fixed, and that must be accepted too, but you can still learn from it.
How to Apologize
I was wrong when I ___________________________.
I am sorry. Will you forgive me? (Wait for response.)
What can I do to make it up to you?
Forgive yourself when you act out of character. But don’t forgive yourself so easily that you don’t make any changes! Change is normal and is expected, since we never become a “finished product”. Honesty in everything you say and do is key to achieving integrity, to becoming consistently who you ARE, which will make you happy and satisfied in the end. In a sense, you are creating yourself every day. Whatever you cover up with lies, or cheating, or false fronts, is still there, and you know it. Be honest with yourself first, and then look into the mirror of other’s attitudes and behaviors toward you, for clues about changes you may want to make. It actually takes more effort to deceive others, who often are not fooled anyway, than to do the work in the first place!
For example, if you copy your homework from someone else, and then don’t know the material, you thus fool the teacher for the time being, and he/she continues on, not realizing that you (and probably others as well) need assistance. Then you must learn the material later on your own, or do poorly on the test, or cheat again. Then the same material will appear again on other tests, and others will assume that you “know” it, so you will continue to fake it.
“One year I totally over committed my time, and was so stressed out, because I couldn’t do all the stuff everyone wanted me to do! I finally made a list of everything, and then numbered it in order of importance to me. Then I just crossed off the last four things on the list. I called them up on the phone and told them I was over committed and wouldn’t be able to help out. No one was mad at me at all! I think they were relieved to be able to ask someone else who might really do the job right. And I sure felt better!” MJR
Activity: Make a list of the persons you have harmed. By each person list the excuses or reasons you have used in the past when you did not do what was expected of you at home, or at school. Note by each whether it was a mistake, immaturity, ignorance, or intentional act that was the source. Do you still need to restore harmony in any of these instances? Think each situation through, and decide what you will do to “fix” the relationship, when the opportunity arises. Do the hardest one first, and all the others will seem easy!
Activity: “Sometimes I seem to just get into more trouble when I try to apologize! Now I know why.” Has this every happened to you? Why didn’t the apology work? If you had the opportunity to do an apology over, how would you do it differently?
Activity: Recall a time when you covered up that you had not done what was expected of you. How did you feel then? How do you feel about it now? What was the long term outcome? Looking back now, would it have been better to 1) do exactly as you did the first time, 2) own up and take the consequences, or 3) some other course of action?
Activity: Many teens report merciless teasing going on in their schools. What could you do in your school situation to improve the treatment of other students?
If you are curious now about why anyone would choose to do bad things, go to that section.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHERE CAN I STAND FOR SURE?
CHOOSE A PERSPECTIVE
How do I make sense out of all this? The individual, family, community, country, world, and universe are all interconnected.
Whenever you consider the rightness or wrongness of some action, you must first know from which perspective to view the action. Every person and every action is interconnected in some way. Like a giant spider web, if one area is touched, all areas of it wriggles. For example, you might think, “I can take illegal drugs, because only I am affected.” Actually, your family and community are affected too, when you are incapable of working or concentrating in school, or when you are altered genetically and your unborn children are affected. If many people abuse their bodies with drugs, the country will be affected, and eventually the resources of the entire world are affected. The health, well being, and goodness of each and every individual affects the health, well being, and goodness of the whole. What you do personally is very important, even if no one knows but you.
You begin to understand that you are making moral choices at about the age of seven, but about the age of twelve your brain is functioning even better, so that you are able to understand the concepts of moral law and legal laws, and to choose how to behave. By the age of 12 or 13, you know which perspective to assume as you make a decision: as an individual, as a member of a family or classroom, as a member of a larger community such as a town, as a member of the country, or as a world citizen. You would be very immature to make all decisions based only on “what I want for myself” after the age of seven.
At least in part, maturity means choosing the best perspective.
Activity: Draw a diagram showing the relationship of yourself, your family, your friends, your town, country, world, universe. Make it into a poster for your room or classroom. Or use a diagram of concentric circles, filling in the words self, family, friends, community, country, world, universe.
@If you wonder how to intentionally increase your awareness of your own interior growth, try some of the activities mentioned under “Developing Your Own Reflective Powers”. The perspective of governments must care for the needs of everyone.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHAT DOES EVERYONE WANT?
PEACE AND JUSTICE WITH FREEDOM IS THE GOAL OF THE COMMUNITY
What does everyone need or want, anyway?
Governments act like parents, trying to provide for the “common good.” In other words, government has a responsibility to keep peace so that everyone may enjoy a fair amount of freedom and a fair amount of the goods of the world. Justice (fairness) is basic to peace. If many people live without hope that matters will improve, and then eventually they will rise up and upset the existing way things are being done. They will revolt. Thus justice and peace are inseparably linked. The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States declare justice, peace, and freedom to be the basic principles of the government. These are the highest of ideals for governments, and although the U.S. has not carried them out perfectly, progress is still being made particularly in areas of racial and sexual discrimination. The freedom we experience within the U.S. remains as the model for the peoples of other nations.
Peace, justice, and freedom don’t always work quietly together. You cannot have freedom for yourself, without giving freedom to everyone else too, and they may then disturb your peace or demand more justice. You cannot have justice for yourself, unless justice is available to everyone else too, although it may seem like some people are getting away with treating others unjustly. Total peace would be gained only through great repression of other freedoms. It is your job as a citizen to act to restore and help maintain our balance of peace, freedom, and justice.
Another Analogy
A group of young people is planning to play soccer in the local park. Several kids volunteer to be captains, and the others shout out until only two are settled upon. There are enough people to divide into two teams, whom the captains choose for their athletic skills, of course. Since the teams are playing a game with well-known rules, they begin. Not long into the game, they begin to argue about an infraction of the rules. No one is assigned to be referee and the two captains get into a big argument.
Activity: Imagine the various reactions of team members. How would you feel as a captain? How would you feel as team member? What would you think as you watched from the bleachers? Compare this situation to the situation between some countries.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHAT IS NORMAL FOR ME NOW?
LIFE STAGES
“I lived a good life, didn’t I?” Private Ryan in Private Ryan.
What am I aiming at anyway? Integrity, or consistency of character over time, should be the goal of individual growth.
As people grow up, they pass through rather predictable stages in life. As one example, the culture of India views life as happening in four stages:
1) youth, a time for study and learning;
2) householder, a time to have a spouse and children, and establish a home;
3) civic person, a time to assist with the tasks of helping out the village or larger community;
4) elder, a time to rest and reflect on one’s life and share that wisdom.
One of the most popular American interpretations of life stages developed by Erik Erikson is summarized and explained further below.
Eight Life Stages Summarized
1. Developing a sense of trust vs. sense of mistrust of the world and other people
2. Developing a sense of autonomy vs. sense of shame and self-doubt
3. Developing a sense of initiative vs. sense of guilt
4. Developing a sense of industry vs. sense of inferiority
5. Developing a sense of identity vs. sense of role confusion
6. Developing a sense of intimacy vs. sense of isolation
7. Developing a sense of creativity or “generativity” vs. sense of stagnation
8. Developing a sense of integrity vs. sense of despair
At every stage of life, you will make mistakes. If we learn from those mistakes, then we are less likely to repeat them. Hopefully the pattern of our behaviors will become progressively more consistent, open, committed, compassionate, productive, and otherwise admirable. As a mature person, you will show integrity, by being increasingly consistent throughout your life, in what you say and do. You will contribute to the world in a positive way. It is really not possible to “skip” any of these stages. Therefore if you do not finish learning the important lessons of a particular stage, you may be troubled by that stage in later life. These are the usual stages of human development:
Birth and infancy: Your major focus was on developing a sense of acceptance and trust. As a little child, you felt secure when you were cared for: diapers were changed, food arrived when you were hungry, someone comforted you during periods of illness or insecurity, and someone provided loving attention. Eye contact during communications was especially important at this time. As a small child, you could be very aggravating as you explored the surroundings and you caused work for others, but you could not do anything morally wrong, since you did not understand.
About age 2 to 4: Your major focus was on developing a sense of autonomy, or independent self-care. As a young child you gradually learned to dress and feed yourself, to play alone or with other children cooperatively, and to be away from your usual caregivers for short periods of time. “Right” and “wrong” was whatever the caregiver said it was. As a little child, you needed to know clearly what the rules were.. For example, “Walk on the floor, not on the furniture.” “Eat at the table only.”
About age 4 to 6: Your major focus was on developing a sense of initiative, a desire to start things, to do things. During this time you probably started many projects, hobbies or “collections,” but they did not persist for long. Other interests soon claimed your attention. Thus, school assignments were short. Television programs for you were also quite brief. You were probably as fascinated by the commercials as you were by the programs, since commercials held your attention. But you probably often found it difficult to play games unless everyone could “win.” Right and wrong were still defined by parents and teachers, whatever the adults said. How many times did you say, “Teacher said,” or “Mom said”? You probably tended to follow the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law. For example, if the lunchroom supervisor made a rule that only so many children were allowed to sit at the lunch table, the children probably abided by that rule and crowded out a disliked child. Intentionally crowding someone out violates a larger rule of being kind to others, but as a young child, you did not understand this difference yet. (I remember having the job of clearing the table after dinner, but scraping the crumbs onto the floor! I followed the letter of the direction I was given, but not the spirit of it.)
About age 6 to 11: Your focus was on developing a sense of industry or hard work for a period of time. You probably loved school, scouting, sports, pets, and hobbies of all kinds. You had friends of both genders. You loved your teachers and parents. You enjoyed a sense of accomplishment when you did chores or helped adults in any way. Parents and teachers encouraged this positive attitude towards work by rewarding you with an allowance, good grades, and kind words. At the beginning of this stage, you believed your parents were the last word on what was right and what was wrong. Towards the end of this phase, you were probably torn between a desire to be with some adult and a desire to be with others of your own age, and you questioned your parent’s reasons for the rules, which they had laid down. You were beginning to look for the source of the rules and laws of life.
Age 12 to about age 18: At this age your focus is on developing a sense of identity, of knowing who you are, of how you are different from your parents and other people. You would like to discover your own special talents and gifts and purpose in life. This is probably a time of exploration for you, although usually not too far from home. You are finding out about your own talents and gifts, what you can and cannot do, what you like to do, and what you hate to do. This is also the age when you begin to think abstractly, that is, to project into the future the consequences of your actions, or to reflect on the past as you search for the reasons why things have come to be as they are now. Through many friendships, you can broaden your experiences by listening to what others have to say about their experiences. Unfortunately, you are targeted by the advertising industry, through radio, TV, magazines, and entertainers, as a potential consumers. At the same time, you may want more time away from your families, to experiment with friendships and activities in the company of peers or to do alone, to avoid embarrassment that may come with failure or a change of mind. Your church or family influence is probably reduced.
What is “right” and what is “wrong” may now be very confusing, as your feelings may fluctuate wildly. You may have discovered already that decisions made according to feelings often don’t hold well, or they turn out to have unwelcome consequences. You may trust the guidance of friends or entertainers or even magazine articles more than that of your parents, teachers, or ministers; and you may still feel unsure. You may frequently try assuming different perspectives, from the most self-centered to that of world citizen. Mind, will, and emotions are not in agreement. Since casual sexual encounters, experimentation with drugs or alcohol, loss of focus at school, poor career or marriage choices, all can have lifelong effects, this is the ideal time for you to study and commit to a set of guiding principles before you are faced with serious decisions that may affect your entire life.
Age 18-25: The focus at this age will be on developing a sense of intimacy. You will be able to be close to others if you know who you are, what you like and what you dislike, and what your own interests are. Then you will choose friends and a spouse who shares your interests and goals. Some young persons try to skip over the development of some aspects of identity; or they confuse identity with the feelings of “being a girlfriend” or “being someone’s boyfriend.” Then trouble comes later when the relationship prevents the person from joining activities or going to school or having a wider group of friends.
Once you have developed a separate identity, knowing your own talents, skills, interests, and principles, then you most likely will want a close relationship with another person. No two people are exactly alike or perfectly matched, in spite of all the romantic stories to the contrary. Sharing a space and finances and responsibilities for a home or children that may come is a difficult thing to do. A close friendship or a marriage takes effort, give-and-take, and steps forward and backward. The best of friendships and marriages are between persons who have the same set of core principles firmly in place.
Age 20-50: The focus during this life stage will be on developing a sense of creativity or “generativity,” often when you develop a career or a family of your own. During this stage you get great satisfaction from work, from making a home, and/or from raising children. This is a period of sustained work, when you will overcome difficulties that were not foreseen or expected. Character qualities of initiative, hard work, industry, thriftiness, honesty, respect, tolerance, fair play, a sense of humor, and friendship play an important role in how well relationships with others will work and in how effective you will be as an employee or an employer.
Society as a whole needs you to be a mature person in every way. If you are working in an area that is truly an important part of your interests, this will be a rewarding period in life. If you are working at some job just to make money, to make ends meet, you may find that very boring. Friendships based on common interests and work persist for many years. Every day you and your friends will make decisions based on your moral principles, so it’s a good idea to be clear on exactly what will guide your life. For example, every culture has a moral principle forbidding theft. Stealing by employees is quite common, even though when caught they are usually fired on the spot. If you truly believe stealing is wrong, you are less likely to steal anything, even though it seems easy to do.
Age 50 and over: The focus during this last life stage will be on fully developing a sense of integrity. Throughout life a person can develop new talents and interests, seek out new friends, and form new relationships. As older members of society, they are honored and respected, and enjoy opportunities to guide the young who come after. People of all cultures seek this sense of integrity, or wisdom. You have probably heard older people telling stories about their pasts. You too will begin to look back on your life, thinking about the good times and the not so good, and what you learned. You may want to share that knowledge with others.
At any stage of life, when you are an appropriately centered person, you are then capable of “love”, that is, of helping to ensure justice for other individuals and groups as well as for yourself. You will be able to give to another person what he/she needs, no matter what it costs you. That is love. Love for one person, or for everyone in general (justice) requires you to have a developed mind as well as a good heart. You must know what is right and good, and feel strongly enough about it to behave well towards others. (Read Seven Habits of Highly Effective People for further development of the concept of appropriate centeredness.)
Eight Life Stages Summarized
1 Developing a sense of trust vs. sense of mistrust of the world and other people
2 Developing a sense of autonomy vs. sense of shame and self-doubt
3 Developing a sense of initiative vs. sense of guilt
4 Developing a sense of industry vs. sense of inferiority
5 Developing a sense of identity vs. sense of role confusion
6 Developing a sense of intimacy vs. sense of isolation
7 Developing a sense of creativity or “generativity” vs. sense of stagnation
8 Developing a sense of integrity vs. sense of despair
Activity: Do a timeline of the important events in your life. They are probably important only to you. What question was raised in your mind at each event? What did you conclude from that event about your life, or your future? Does your life so far fit Erikson’s stages? (For example, my family moved to another house when I twelve. That raised a question in my mind: what was really secure if my home wasn’t a sure place? I concluded that security came from being with my family, wherever we went. At 12 I was looking for a sense of identity and found it was not just in my old neighborhood.)
Activity: What qualities of character do you look for? List the three most important qualities for your friends, then for yourself, and then for your future husband or wife. Compare the lists. (Possible qualities: Self- accepting, self-starter, competent, cooperative, hard working, independent, involved, affectionate, creative, desire for children, integrity, consistent, committed, sense of humor, thrifty). Have you developed the strengths described in the first five stages? In which areas might you improve your habits?
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
HOW CAN GOOD SEX BE IMMORAL?
INTEGRITY INVOLVES YOUR BODY AND SEXUALITY TOO
Has it ever occurred to you, as it has to me, that each of us is the god of a small universe? It consists of millions of living cells, virus and bacteria and some form of managing intelligence that science has yet to understand. Your body calls out to you for healthy exercise, rest, good food, cleaning and grooming. When you are sick or injured, you KNOW it. If you don’t listen to your body’s needs, eventually you will pay some consequence in pain, disease, and reduced abilities. As a teen you are growing faster than you did at the age of two, growing millions of new cells every day! Be a benevolent god to your body, and care well for it.
Sex, alcohol and drugs including caffeine and nicotine are short cuts to “feel good”, or at least, “feel better.” All have well documented undesirable short and long-term side effects on the human body. But it’s your body, right? So why not do as you please with it? Recall Chapter 6 on “Perspective.” Only the most self-centered perspective may be used to justify abusing your own body for immediate “feel good.” From the viewpoint of your family, your future spouse or children, your community, your finances, and your own future health and happiness, there are very good reasons to “Just Say No” to the short cuts mentioned above. What you do does affect many other people.
In the early stages of addictions, you can still control decisions and you will enjoy the chemical changes you have induced. But listen to the stories of addicts and former addicts! Any physical addiction (whether to drugs, sex, alcohol, or even exercise) will eventually control your decision making ability to some extent. If you become heavily addicted, you will no longer be able to carry out some very good decisions, as the addiction increasingly will interfere with your thinking ability, your emotions and your will. Some consequences of physical addictions: Many people lose time at work or at pleasant events to find a place to fill their need to smoke, and the cost of cigarettes themselves could fund a clothing allowance. Driving while intoxicated can be life threatening, to yourself and to others, but even just getting a DUI (“driving under influence”) traffic ticket will have terrible consequences on your insurance costs for years. Seeking sexual pleasure outside of a stable relationship can lead to exposure to AIDS and other STD’s (“sexually transmitted diseases”), even if pregnancy is avoided entirely. All forms of addiction interfere with a teen’s best and highest development as a person: emotionally, physically, mentally, and socially.
Human sexuality is a large and complicated topic that deserves the attention of a whole course or text. This section only touches on this topic.
On the individual level, your maturing (or mature) human body has powerful feelings that drive it toward reproduction. All people have a sex life, and so do all other living things. Reproduction is one of the signs of life. Your sexual activity has other consequences besides the birth of a baby. 1) Raising a child can take twenty or more years. The care of a small human being is complicated, and both male and female roles must be modeled to a child of either sex. 2) Exclusive mating (one male and one female for life) protects you from sexually transmitted diseases, whereas promiscuous sexual activity exposes you to a number of illnesses and diseases. 3) Sexual exchange has emotional content for both males and females. Both males and females are exposed emotionally as well as physically. Both men and women desire to be loved and cared for. But if you are a woman who gets pregnant, you are especially vulnerable, as you need both physical and emotional support so that you can care for the child. This is oversimplified, but I have heard it explained this way: “a girl gives sex to get affection, and a boy gives affection to get sex.” 4) When couples or individuals have children they cannot care for properly, society reluctantly draws from other resources to help the parents and/or children. When properly prepared for adulthood with education, job skills, and emotional stability, young adults ought to be in the best situation to care for themselves and their children. For the reasons given above, ideally sex should occur between mature individuals, only within a committed relationship, with the social support of the two families which are joined by the marriage.
An important aspect of human organization related to sexual behavior has to do with laws regarding marriage. Thus laws supporting and protecting marriage exist in all societies, because the proper care of children and the inheritance of property is directly affected. The legal arrangement makes for a stable society, one of relative peace and justice. Society as a whole wants the good mental and physical health of its people. Until recent times most work was divided based on gender. Men hunted and protected the group and developed strong friendships, while women cared for the children, performed home tasks such as food preparation and making of clothing, and formed their own social groups. In modern times this division of work is less necessary, since persons of either gender can carry out most jobs around the home or workplace. But society stills need good parents in stable relationships. Every culture provides a system of rules to control sexual expression.
Sexism persists in many customs and in many laws, all over the world, although conditions have changed somewhat. The relative status of men and women is important in every culture. If the domination of women by men can be justified (or the reverse situation) the same reasoning can be applied to the domination of one race by another, or the domination of one religion over another, or of one social group, and so on. Injustice in this most basic area of human life affects everyone, leaving persons of either sex treated unfairly, because they are excluded automatically from opportunities at work, at schools, in politics, and elsewhere. Men are then denied emotional development, and women are denied economic development. Both men and women are kept from developing their potential abilities by prejudiced attitudes and actions, coming even from their friends or relatives as well as employers. For example, currently women cannot hold some positions in some churches, and few men are drawn into nursing or elementary school teaching, even though persons of either gender may have excellent qualifications and character for those jobs. Just as a healthy sexual relationship is loving and protective, sexual expression can be abusive. Nothing is more emotionally painful than sexual abuse, being used as an object of pleasure by someone else. On the close-up, personal level, young people who are sexually abused often become obese in later life, as a form of self-protection. Or they may be obsessive about cleanliness, or show other signs of very low self-esteem, with thoughts of suicide or running away. If you have been sexually abused, I urge you to confide in an adult you trust. Sexual abuse is always the fault of the adult and not the child. Seek help from others. If you are an abuser, STOP now!
Activity: Imagine you have a good friend who is taking steroids to bulk up, or who is eating practically nothing (anorexia or bulimia) in order to become more slim, and you see your friend is going too far. What would you say to him/her about the situation?
Activity: TV and movies want to attract your attention and keep you happy, so the producers tell you (and everyone else) what you would like to believe about sex. Sex can be fun and emotionally satisfying, but not under the wrong conditions. As you watch your usual TV shows, notice what consequences there are for unmarried sexual partners. Does anyone ever get pregnant accidentally? Do the actors talk about sexual transmitted diseases? Do they show the emotional hurt that comes with later rejection by the former sexual partner? Do any of the actors show a sense of guilt or destroyed self-esteem? In real life, these are the consequences.
Activity: Try this! Using your non-dominant hand (left if you are right-handed, and right if you are left-handed) draw a full body picture of yourself. Your non-dominant hand isn’t well trained, and is more likely to reveal you to yourself. Did you realize anything about your self-image from this drawing?
@ Is what you do entirely your fault? You may turn to the section on heredity, environment and free will. You may want to read Reasons Why People Do Bad Things first.
You can contact the author for further discussion at bookdragonmama@yahoo.com.
HOW CAN I SOLVE A MORAL PROBLEM?
SOME MORAL PROBLEMS FOR DISCUSSION
More Questions for you to think about or discuss with others.
In each case, state the moral principles you think are involved. Then give an action, which would come from each level of moral reasoning.
Example: On Monday you plan to attend the Friday football game with your best friend. On Wednesday a boy you really like asks you to go out with him. Do you break the first date with your friend? Why or why not?
Principles: Deal honestly with others. Keep your promises.
Level 1: Fear of Punishment. No physical punishment is involved either way.
Level 2: Concrete Reward. No concrete reward is involved, either way.
Level 3: Social approval. You may lose the friendship you value for one date with an uncertain outcome. So, go to the game with the friend.
Level 4: Self-image. You think of yourself as a loyal friend. So, go to the game with the friend.
Level 5: Law of the Land. There are no formal laws about this matter.
Level 6: Universal Principle. Everyone should keep his/her commitments, even though it is sometimes difficult. Ask for another day for the date, or somehow include the friend. Go to the game with the friend.
1. A close teenage male friend of yours has decided not to marry the mother of his child. Do you try to convince him to reconsider? Why or why not?
2. Employees where you work often take home items such as tools, paper products, and office supplies. Some of them do work at home, but others do not. Do you bring this behavior to the attention of your boss? Why or why not?
3. You are a doctor who has a patient that has been in a coma for several years. The family wishes to withdraw vital life supports, without which the patient will probably die. Do you withdraw those supports? Why or why not?
4. You see that your mother is unable to take care of herself physically, less so every day. Your spouse wants you to put her in a nursing home. What do you do? Why or why not?
5. You are a businessman. One of your employees shares a great idea with you. You follow it through and make a lot of money. Do you owe the employee anything? Why or why not?
6. A burglar has broken into your home, and you have a loaded gun pointed at him. You do not see any weapon on him. Do you shoot if he moves toward you? Why or why not?
7. You feel that a teacher is not treating your friend fairly. You both have the same teacher for one class, which you need to pass in order to graduate. Do you report the teacher to the principal? Why or why not?
8. You break a delicate piece of furniture while at a friend’s house. No one sees you. Do you own up to it? Why or why not?
9. You hate mushrooms. Your girlfriend’s mother serves mushrooms in a special sauce at dinner. Do you compliment the mother on this food anyway? Why or why not?
10. Do you believe that owners of businesses have the right to refuse service to anyone, for any reason? Why or why not?
11. Do you believe everyone should be allowed to read or view whatever he or she wants? Why or why not?
12. As an employee you are allowed ten sick days a year, but the unused days don’t carry over to the next year. The year is almost up and you have only used five of them. Is it all right to call in “sick” for a day here and there? Why or why not?
13. You see two students you know vandalize the locker room, but they don’t see you. Do you report them to the school authorities? Why or why not?
14. A close friend confides in you that he/she is thinking of committing suicide. Do you tell his/her parents? Why or why not?
15. Where you live, pets are allowed if the owner pays a big cleaning deposit. Your family cannot afford the deposit. Do you sneak a pet in? Why or why not?
16. If you knew one of your friends was selling drugs, would you report him/her? Why or why not?
17. You didn’t have time to do the homework because of sports practice and work but you understand all the material. Do you copy the homework quickly so you can hand it in on time? Why or why not?
18. Your friend believes a particular boy really likes her. You know for a fact that he does not. Do you tell her the truth? Why or why not?
19. There is a long line waiting to get into the show. You see a friend near the front. Do you take cuts? Why or why not?
20. When you answer the phone, the caller asks for your parent. Your parent tells you to lie for him/her. Would you tell the lie? Why or why not?
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHY DO PEOPLE DO BAD THINGS?
REASONS WHY PEOPLE DO BAD THINGS
Why do people hurt others, or themselves? Some people do not conform to the desired patterns.
Summary of why people do bad things:
1. Mistakes, accidents, ignorance
2. Attention getting
3. Social disability, cannot figure out the rules, “insane” to some degree
4. Revenge, a form of “justice” which also harms others
5. To show power, bullying
6. Evil, intentional harm, does not care about anyone but self.
1. Much of what you do that is labeled “bad” results from genuine mistakes. You have accidents in the cafeteria or market or elsewhere, say thoughtless things to your family or friends, or truly forget to carry out tasks, and so on. These are not problems of morality, as you may often show a lack of experience for the responsibilities you have. You may need to be taught or supervised in some way, not punished.
2. Other reasons for doing foolish things include a need for attention. Like many teenagers, you may go to great lengths with extreme clothes, hairstyles, or behaviors, to be noticed. You are really talented and unique in many ways, but you may not be sure in that knowledge yet. Again, these are not problems of morality, but perhaps you are violating some unwritten code of etiquette.
3. Some people really have a social disability, and they do not know what the social rules are, unless the rules are clearly explained to them and they are given an opportunity to practice. This defense is one of genuine ignorance. Punishment does not improve the situation. Kindness and acceptance from peers and adults are more helpful during this awkward stage in life. Once again, these are not immoral behaviors, but ignorance of what is expected in some situation.
4. There are persons who do bad things to others intentionally. This may come from within them in order to right a perceived wrong, out of revenge (an emotional motive). The one who originally hurt them may no longer even be around, but the bad feelings persist within. Some persons take pleasure from the pain of others. This is a state of “moral turpitude,” that is, their sense of right and wrong is upside down (a disordered will to do harmful things). These persons are abusers, but they are also members of families, employers or employees. If abusers recognize their patterns of behavior as harmful and seek help, help can be found. If they do not seek help, it is best to avoid these abusive people and the harm they do. We have laws to protect children, spouses and coworkers from abusive people. If convicted of a crime, society punishes abusers with incarceration. In some cases there is counseling or other psychological treatment, but not always. If you are being abused emotionally, physically, or mentally, you must tell adults you trust. If you are an abuser of others, you can be helped, but you must seek help from some adult you trust.
“It’s not as easy as just telling someone, especially if you’re dependent on them still.” High school student.
If you are addicted to substances like drugs or alcohol, or addicted to sex, then you desire those things strongly and over any rights or needs of others. To support these physical habits you will break any other moral codes, such as rules regarding honesty or stealing the property of others or even murder, often without any feelings of guilt. Addictions can kill your conscience. Society provides negative controls such as prison and mental hospitals with prison wards. You may commit crimes due to chemical imbalances in the brain, which leads to defenses of “insanity.” Society provides for some criminally insane to be imprisoned, but many of the less dangerous are homeless if their families cannot care for them.
For example, I especially remember “Jack”, a homeless man of about 30 years who experimented with many drugs. He could not hold a job, because of his senseless talking and dirty appearances, and his parents would only let him sleep in the garage. No one wanted him around because he was so unpredictable and unable to learn anymore.
5. Approximately 15% of the population have contact with the police for breaking laws. Every year more prisons are built, and it seems as if all of them are full. Some prisons provide educational training or counseling, but many do not. Prison seldom changes the prisoner for the good. But a prisoner may choose for himself (or herself) to “go straight” when released, to become an upright citizen.
6. Be aware that there are “evil” people in the world, intelligent and knowledgeable people, who know right from wrong, and choose to serve their own interests without regard to the consequences to others or even to themselves. They will control situations by fulfilling the letter of the law and displaying good manners, but they delight in confusion and chaos in others, and may even provoke confusion intentionally. They are most dangerous when they have power over others, as in a family, a business, a gang, or other relationship. These people reject personal responsibility, criticism or self-analysis. They respond only to raw power and clear statements of the truth. Neither psychologists nor others can help them because they simply do not wish to change. (Read People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck.)
Summary: Why people do bad things:
1. Mistakes, accidents, ignorance
2. Attention getting
3. Revenge, a form of “justice” which also harms others
4. To show power, bullying
5. Social disability, cannot figure out the rules, “insane” to some degree
6. Evil, intentional harm, does not care about anyone but self
Activity: List some times when you got into trouble. What do you think was the real reason behind it? Only you will know.
@ If you need to review how to fix a problematic situation, turn to “How to Apologize.” Some situations also require restitution, or payback, to be convincing. Beyond apologizing, you may have to pay a fine, or do community service.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHAT IF EVERYONE IS DOING IT?
INFLUENCE FROM MESSAGES COMING THROUGH FROM “EVERYONE”
What do the “experts” say?
From our complicated culture you hear many messages, from movies, television, newspapers, music, entertainment, and politics. Much of what is in the media is supported through paid advertisers. They carefully provide something that you, the viewer, wants: feelings of security or raised self esteem, sexual interest, heightened status, excitement, or experiences otherwise forbidden or unattainable such as violence or expensive lifestyles. You may associate these feelings with whatever is being sold through the advertising, and then you buy that product or service. The good feeling had from buying something is only temporary, and then you, the consumer, soon move on to other purchases, which is fine with the seller. The advertiser benefits economically from all the trade in goods. But in the long run, if you do what advertisers want, you may suffer from addictions, debt, or disillusionment. You may confuse reality with the illusion and believe the lifestyles and activities shown in the media truly exist and can be attained by you too. This inaccurate view of life without any bad consequences may lead even to violence in imitation of heroes. Freedom of speech is guaranteed, in the interest of the common good: yet the media do not wish to be held responsible for the way people act when they copy these make believe heroes. Meanwhile, many young people are fooled into thinking “everyone is doing it.”
You may often think “everyone” agrees on a principle, and you may even say, “Everyone is doing it!” What seems most popular is not always what is right or best, for you or for society. For example, “Everyone shoplifts” is not true, but enough people do shoplift to raise the prices for everyone by about 2%. Or “Everyone has sex before marriage” is not true, but some do, risking their health and even the lives of their unborn children. The heavy publicity given to school shootings and other crimes may lead young people to unnecessary worrying, and to thinking such behaviors are common, yet they are not. Studies have shown that teenagers in general do not commit crimes or engage in undesirable behaviors any more than does the general population.
Activity: 1) Review a magazine, newspaper, or television show, carefully watching the advertising. What product or service is being sold? What appeal is connected to it to encourage buyers? If you buy the product, will it make you happier? More attractive? Smarter? Like rich people? Sexier? Cool?
2) What are the pros and cons of limiting violence as portrayed in the media?
3) You know that alcohol or drug addictions keep students from doing well in school. Should advertising to youth for smoking and alcohol be permitted or not? Why or why not?
4) Draft a law limiting advertising aimed at minors.
@“Everyone is doing it!” is Level 3 thinking. How can you get to Level 4? “Developing your own Reflective Powers.” Consciously choose your mentors.
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHAT IF I JUST TRUST OTHER’S JUDGEMENT?
INFLUENCE FROM OVERPOWERING MESSAGES: CULTS
What do others say?
A cult is a small society, usually formed around a very strong leader. You might be attracted to the group because you personally admire the leader, you enjoy some activities he/she advocates, or you feel accepted and part of the group. You, like all people, have a basic need to be accepted, to feel secure, and to be involved in work that is interesting and contributes to a larger plan in life. A cult will provide exceptionally strong messages of acceptance and absolute certainty about what they are involved in (drugs, gangs, religion, or political action) in exchange for absolute loyalty to the group. Members of cults are isolated from their former friends and family, and drilled heavily in a way of thinking that supports the rules and activities of the cult. All objections are explained away, including the violation of commonly accepted ethical principles. For example, members of a cult may make suicide pacts. Members of gangs commit crimes to show their loyalty. During wars, terrorists and guerrilla members murder innocent civilians including women and children.
Leaving a cult can become dangerous physically and emotionally, as in the case of Jonesboro in Guyana and Heaven’s Gate in California, where all the members were killed or committed suicide. Sometimes specially trained counselors are employed to “de-program” a former cult member’s way of thinking. Special police units work with gangs to change the focus of their activities within existing leadership. Former drug users find they need a whole new group of friends to help them stay “clean.” These are examples of the power of the group to influence behavior.
Knowing what principles guide your behavior, regardless of who you are with, will help protect you from overpowering influences.
Activity: Write down the Do’s and Don’ts of your family or other group you belong to, such as a team, gang, or youth group. Do any of the “rules” require you to do harm to others or yourself, in the present or future?
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHAT IF I TRUST EXPERTS?
INFLUENCE FROM MESSAGES FROM RESPECTED PEOPLE
What do other “experts” say?
Gurus, Prophets, Ministers, Priests, Coaches, Teachers. Many sincere individuals from various organized religions and schools preach, or teach, the beliefs, principles and specific rules of that organization. There are benefits to you in belonging to a church or social service group like Rotary: intellectual study in that framework, fellowship, moral and physical support, and group opportunities to do service to others. In the United States individuals are free to join such groups, or not, according to their own way of thinking. This freedom is guaranteed by the Constitution and protected by the Bill of Rights. No specific church or religion is “established,” that is, given government support of any kind from common funds. The founders of our nation were Christians, and they relied on those principles in many ways as they formed a new government. While tolerance of a variety of faiths was a key element in the development of Constitutional rights, generally the people of the United States hold to the Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments as guiding ethical principles.
Activity: What do you see in your future? Write out and finish these four sentences without thinking about it too much. Be spontaneous!
1) Someday I am going to….
2) When I graduate, I am going to…
3) Next week I will…
4) Today I…
Who influenced your answer most? Parents? Friends? Minister? Coach? Others? What do your answers say about what you really value? Are your goals and activities involving Money? Relationships? Work? Knowledge or Learning? Possessions? Experiences? Creativity?
Name two adults you know whom you trust to give you good advice, should you need it. Put their names and phone numbers on a card in your wallet…NOW!
@If you wonder how people you respect know what they know, ask them! But first review “Six Ways of Knowing.”
A PERSON OF PRINCIPLE
In the movie DAVE, Kevin Kline plays two roles, one as the President of the United States, and the other as his look-alike stand-in. Because of his highly ethical behavior as the Presidential stand-in, Dave wins the admiration of his personal bodyguard. Near the end of the movie when they part, the bodyguard tells Dave, “I would have taken a bullet for you.” How many of us are willing to die for someone we admire?
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
HOW CAN ORGANIZED RELIGION HELP?
INFLUENCE FROM ORGANIZED RELIGION
Religions grew over time within a particular set of historical circumstances. Each religion “makes sense” when viewed from within that framework as an approach to sensible living for that society. Each religion teaches principles of right and wrong behavior in a variety of ways, through direction instruction, stories and events.
A young person approached a man of the village known for his wisdom, who was sitting quietly. When asked, the elderly man said he was praying. And how do you pray, he was asked. “Well, sometimes I talk and God listens. Sometimes God talks and I listen. And sometimes we both just listen.”
.
Religions are so entangled in their cultures, with all the customs, language, manners, music, literature, etc., that it is difficult for outsiders to understand or participate. The ethical principles of each culture are expressed in special liturgies, celebrations, and other practices.
For example, the Christian sacraments and the Hindu chakras support the following principles through various rituals for its members, as do the Hebrew and Moslem faith activities. There are many other examples.
1. Acceptance and Respect of Self and Others. Christian sacrament of Baptism.
2. Community: Working together. Communion in Christian rites.
3. Affirmation: Knowing who you are and who you choose to be. Christian sacrament of confirmation.
4. Reordering relationships: Fixing what is broken so it will work. Moslem month of Ramadan. Jewish festival of Yon Kippur. Confession in some Christian denominations.
5. Partnering and Parenting: Choosing to be a family. Marriage in all cultures.
7. Connection to the Universe: Each one is a drop that counts. The 10th Hindu Chakra.
Activity: If you were initiated into a specific religion as a child, you may wish to study its faith again as an adult, to understand its underlying principles, and to practice its rituals.
Activity: Find a myth, legend, fable, parable or proverb. Give the underlying moral or morals being illustrated through the story.
Activity: With permission from your parents and the organization, make an appointment to visit a church or synagogue. Observe carefully and listen to what is said. What fundamental principle is being celebrated or illustrated? (If you attend a service, be respectful. Dress appropriately. Do not make any noise or other distractions. Do not ask questions during the service, and do not take any pictures without prior permission.)
You can contact the author for further discussion at sophiaministries@yahoo.com.
WHAT DO OTHER RELIGIONS TEACH?
SUMMARIES OF MAJOR RELIGIOUS ETHICS : EASTERN AND WESTERN THOUGHTWAYS
1. Buddhist
2. Hindu or Vedic Traditions
3. Asian
4. Jewish
5. Christian
6. Muslim
7. Native American
Each of the following sections gives only a very brief and general review of the fundamental principles for behavior and their implications of the major religions. There isn’t room here to share the heart of the founder, the writings, or the spirit of that faith. Each approach to thinking about life, generally referred to as “philosophy”, was developed over many centuries, added to by many thinkers. In practice there are wide variations in belief systems and behaviors. The manners, customs, or legal arrangements, which have grown out of these principles, vary widely from place to place. They can be studied under the topics of sociology or human anthropology. The study of worship practices and faith systems are studied under the topics of theology or religion. If you are interested in more detail, search your local libraries and bookstores.
EASTERN THOUGHTWAYS
Generally in Asian societies the individual must seek his or her own way, by one’s own effort. There are many gods, which seem more like humans and no clear-cut rules for arriving at a perfect state. Tolerance of many paths is essential.
Buddhist principles of life: “Any form of desire whose indulgence entails misery is to be overcome…Desires whose indulgence will not result in increase of misery are desires that conduct steadily to salvation, the ultimate state in which all desires are swallowed up, even the desire for no-desire.” In summary, “Don’t bring suffering to yourself or others.” Thus Buddhists determine to give up all attachments that disturb their peace of mind and soul. They seek a state of perfectly painless peace and joy, a freedom from misery of any kind. The Buddha gave the Eightfold Path. (Noss gives 10 rules for the Eightfold Path.) The goal is pure ecstasy, turning away from the unhappy world. The simplified moderate way includes the following rules. The first five rules are for everyone, and the last five are for the truly devoted followers of Buddhism.
1. Refrain from destroying life.
2. Do not take what is not given.
3. Be chaste.
4. Do not lie or deceive.
5. Abstain from intoxicants.
6. Eat moderately and not after noon.
7. Do not look on at dancing, singing, or dramatic spectacles.
8. Do not affect the use of garlands, scents, unguents, or ornaments.
9. Do not use high or broad beds.
10. Do not accept gold or silver.
2. Hindu principles of life: “The premise of the Way of Knowledge is the belief that the cause of human misery and evil is Ignorance…. All Hindu philosophical systems agree in this presupposition.” There are three ways to arrive at a happy state: through knowledge, through works, or through devotion…The performance of works, if carried out without any desire for reward, but only for the god, or for righteousness’ sake, can win release on the basis of such works alone. But religious devotion is best of all.” (Noss p. 182-184) The common man therefore worships at home or in a temple, or has others conduct simple rites on his behalf. Local priests may conduct rites on behalf of the community. The most influential Hindu scripture is the Bhagavad Gita.
Through various personal practices, the Hindu devotee gives up all attachments to the world, seeking to control his physical being to release the spirit. Every single act has consequences (which is Karma), both in this life, and in other lives to come (reincarnation). A person must continue to be reincarnated until he/she lives a perfect life. The steps of one major tradition, which lead to freedom of spirit, include:
1. Giving up harming any living thing, including deceit, stealing, sexual impropriety, and greed. This leads for some persons to vegetarianism also.
2. Following rules of cleanliness, calm, study, prayers, and mortification.
3. Sitting in the proper posture.
4. Regulating the breath, striving for complete self-control.
5. Withdrawing of the senses from all sense objects, shutting out the outside world.
6. Concentrating, holding steady to a single idea or object.
7. Meditating, a half-unconscious condition affording a transition to the final step.
8. Being in a trance state, where the person is absorbed into the One.
3. Asian principles: The Japanese and Chinese have cultivated an appreciation of nature that is so satisfying that they want to prolong life in this world as long as possible. It is central to their belief that heaven, earth, and men are so sensitively related to each other that any disruption to one affects them all. The Tao Te Ching is the Chinese book of Wisdom. “It is wise to practice wu-wei,” which is quietism, non-aggression, non-meddlesome action. People are counseled to be kind, sincere, and humble, which will lead to long life, and possibly to immortality. Seeking the common good always is the highest good. The key word in human interactions is “reciprocity.” In practice it is very like the Golden Rule of doing “unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The goal is to create and sustain harmony, not just among people, but in the universe, which is sensitive to human discord, just as humans are sensitive to natural disruptions such as storms or earthquakes. This harmony comes from interior uprightness, a sincere respect for, and cooperation with, others.
WESTERN THOUGHTWAYS.
In the western world we find “revealed” principles and ethical codes of conduct, which have come from a personal God, Allah, or Yahweh, through men. God takes the initiative and reveals Himself/Herself, dealing with both individuals and communities, giving laws and laying down consequences. In general, each person is held accountable for his/her behaviors, but God is merciful also.
4. Judaic principles: The fundamental principles of proper conduct are seen to flow from the agreement or covenant between God and the Hebrew people. While the basic ten rules for living were given to Moses, there are many further rules about every detail of life, held to differing extents by Orthodox, Conservative or Moderate Jews. The summary principle is “Love God, and treat others as you would be treated.”
The Ten Commandments are as follows:
1. You shall have no other gods besides the Lord God.
2. You shall not take the Lord’s Name in vain.
3. You shall honor the Lord’s day.
4. You shall honor your father and mother.
5. You shall not murder.
6. You shall not commit adultery.
7. You shall not steal.
8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbors.
9. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
The Jewish scriptures are known as the Torah (also known as the Old Testament to Christians), Tanakh and the Talmud. In the Book of Dueteronomy there are many more rules, many of which deal with cleanliness. Other laws describe a duty to treat slaves humanely and to provide for the needy. These writings have been in their final form since the fifth century BCE.
5. Christian principles: The Christian principles were drawn directly from Judaic principles. Jesus summed up the whole of the Jewish law thus: “You must love the Lord your God with your whole heart, your whole soul, and your whole mind. You must love your neighbor as you do yourself.” You must always treat others as you would have them treat you. Jesus forbade revenge and the passing of judgments on others’ conduct. He commanded the people to be merciful to others, and that they share with those in need.
The Christian scripture is known as the New Testament. Along with the Old Testament, the New Testament is the foundation writing for all Christian denominations, put into its final form in the fourth century AD. Each denomination or church has applied the principles with differing emphasis, setting out further specific rules for its followers.
6. Moslem principles: The accepted text of the Koran (or Qur’an) dates from immediately after the death of Mohammed, prior to 900 AD The fundamental principle is to do good and avoid sin, as specified in the many rules given in the Koran, which have many details and apply to all persons, of both sexes, from birth until death. Here is given a summary only.
1. Believe in God, the Last Day, the angels, the Book and the Prophets.
2. Give to kinsmen, orphans, the needy, the traveller, beggars, and to ransom slaves.
3. Perform the prayer (five times daily).
4. Fast during the month of Ramadan
5. Once in a lifetime make a pilgrimage (Hajj) to Mecca.
Additionally,
7. Honor your parents and
8. Do not kill your children
9. Do not fornicate (have sexual relations while not married)
10. Treat orphans and women fairly and justly
11. Fight those who fight you, but do not be the aggressor.
12. Follow the dietary laws. (Pork and other foods are forbidden.)
13. Intoxicants, gambling, idols, and astrology are forbidden.
7. Native American principles: There is no Native American word for “religion” as separate from “the right way to live.” Neither is there a specific scripture, but every tribe holds its accumulated wisdom in its stories, handed down from generation to generation. The key principle today is to live in harmony with all things, with spirits, animals, and other people.
There are four “commandments from the Great Spirit.” (McGaa, in American Values)
1. Respect Mother Earth
2. Respect the Great Spirit
3. Respect your fellow man.
4. Respect individual freedom, provided that freedom does not threaten the people, the tribe or Mother Earth.
Native Americans think of people and all creatures of the earth as of one family, addressing all as “brothers” or “sisters”, but in the past many tribes were warlike.
Activity: Research the heritage you have from your parents and grandparents. Write a summary of its ethical principles.
You can contact the author for further discussion at bookdragonmama@yahoo.com.
HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT TO DO?
ORIENTING YOURSELF
Which way shall I turn?
Listen to your own inner wisdom too. Believe in yourself. You are equal to your life challenges. You are “Big on the Inside.” Your mind and your heart do know the truth about yourself. Others can help you, but be true to yourself first.
SO NOW YOU ARE FACED WITH A MORAL PROBLEM
You live within a certain culture, and you have inherited some genetic state that includes your gender, race, and all your talents and abilities, and some disabilities. You are in a particular environment that includes your family and friends and other social groups. And there are many other influences in your life, including the media and people you respect (although you may not know them personally). You may be a member of a particular religion. And you are supposed to abide by the laws in force right now. You are at a special stage in life with inside needs and wants. You can foresee the consequences to various choices. Yet with all of these influences, each personal decision is still yours to make!
I think of life as a spider web. The anchor lines attach the web firmly to some structure. They are the principles in my life (for me the Ten Commandments). I am the spider who can move around the web of my own free will. The cross lines represent various influences on me. Moving out, I am affected by my own personality, by my inherited biology and by what I eat and do every day. My life is influenced by my age group, my friends and relatives, and by my experiences from my own past. The environment around me includes everything in my home, my city, and my place in history, all the pieces of our culture. I am also affected by my sources of ideas, from the media, by people I respect, certain church people, philosophers, and other thinkers.
Moving about on the web isn’t just a “thinking” project. The spider has to have “heart”, feeling for what I do. I must act from the heart as well as from the mind. I want to live by the principles of the Ten Commandments. For example, “Honor your father and mother” is the fourth principle, but if I do that only from my head and not from my heart, I would have a rather empty life. My actions would lack sincerity. You too must decide and act from deep inside you, from your heart as well as your head (from both feelings and intellect).
Activity: Using the spider web analogy, what principles would you put as the anchors to your own web? In other words, what lifelong rules do you intend to live by? Draw a web and write your life principles on the anchor lines.
Activity: A simile compares two ideas or experiences. Do you agree with any of the following similes? Explain your idea of life.
Life is like a maze, in which you try to avoid the exit.
Life is like riding an elevator, with lots of ups and downs.
Life is like a poker game, where you need both luck and skill to win.
Life is like a puppy dog, wandering in a street full of hydrants.
Life is like a room full of doors.
Life is like a basketball game, and you need the team to help you score.
Life is like a beehive, and I am…
Life is like a car going down the road with me inside, and I am…
What’s your visual image for life? What do you think life is like?
@Developing your character is a life-long project.
You can contact the author for further discussion at bookdragonmama@yahoo.com.
WHO’S IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE?
Promise Yourself!
DEVELOP YOUR OWN REFLECTIVE POWERS: DO THE RIGHT THING
So how shall I live my life? What can I do today?
Your reputation is what others know and think of you. But your character will consist of the accumulated behaviors of your lifetime, what you yourself have done under various circumstances. When faced with choices, what patterns do you follow? Do you face difficult times squarely, looking for solutions? Or do you try to escape with excuses, turn to alcohol or drugs or otherwise “zone out”? Do you stick to your commitments, or do you leave the work for others to do? Are you honest in what you say and do, with few exceptions, or do you make lots of “exceptions”? What personal rules do you live by? It is your life. You are here to learn to “grow where you are planted.” Life lessons will keep coming long after you are out of school!
Aristotle, a Greek philosopher, settled on four habits of good character. They are as follows: FORTITUDE, defined as strength of mind and the courage to continue through difficulties; TEMPERANCE, understood as self-discipline and self-control over all human desires and wishes; PRUDENCE explained as practical wisdom, the ability to make the right choice in specific situations; and JUSTICE consisting of fairness, honesty, lawfulness, and dependability. Christian churches would add FAITH, HOPE, AND CHARITY. Faith is a confidence in the goodness of God. Hope is an expectation that God will act in justice towards us all. And Charity is the greatest form of love, causing us to care for all and removing us from self-centeredness. We look for these ideal qualities of character in others, though everyone fails at times. Linked to charity ,FORGIVENESS allows us as individuals, or as a nation, to let go of bitterness when we are wronged, so that we can go forward. And COMPASSION allows us to see ourselves in the shoes of others, so that we will act towards them with charity, as we ourselves wish to be treated.
I do not know if being a person of good character will make your life easier, or happier, at any given time; but if you are a person of wisdom, at least you are far more likely to unfold into the best person you can be. That is what the Creator asks of us. From this text and from your experience of life, I hope that you are now more conscious of the pressures on you to decide one way or another in a variety of situations. Your age and stage of development, the friends and adults who may be around you, your knowledge of the principles of action in our culture and in others, all of these affect you. I hope you have chosen persons of good character to model for you, to counsel you. But you are still free to choose how you will live out your life. Your life will happen whether you make conscious choices or not.
Your freedom to choose from among all the possible actions is overwhelming! You need to take time to think about your life to refocus at times. This refocusing is even more important when you are about to make a really big decision about a career or a life partner, a decision upon which so many other things depend. Here are some ways you might intentionally capture and think about your life patterns so that you might become the best person that you can be:
• Keep a journal, your personal writing, which will help you clarify your thoughts.
• Go on retreats, sponsored by churches usually, advertised in local and church papers.
• Use private prayer (reflection on scripture or interior “talks with God”)
• Reach out personally by talking with others, keeping up with current events, and supporting individuals or agencies that work for the common good.
• Join a youth group, scouts, or the junior division of a service group like the Kiwanas or Rotary.
• Live your daily life “mindfully,” realizing that all you do affects everyone as well as yourself.
• Join an organized religion. Regular study and celebration of the principles you believe with others supports you in personal growth.
• Write your own mission statement, a one-sentence statement about your purpose in life. Post it in your room or work area.
• Read fiction, non-fiction, and biographies, and see movies that illustrate and support healthy moral thinking. See the Appendix for further reading.
• Volunteer to assist with a political campaign, ecology issue, etc.
• Look for friends who will discuss life issues seriously with you.
Activity: Interview a community leader. Ask him or her to state the fundamental moral principles of life, which motivate his/her actions.
Activity: Publicly show your beliefs and values by everything that you say and do. As a consequence, whatever your age, you will show INTEGRITY and an admirable CHARACTER.
CONCLUDING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Your personal pledge
I, _____________________________, acknowledge that I am fully responsible for everything that I do, say, or think. I know that I create my life, moment by moment. I recognize that I am exactly as I choose to be.
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